Okay so um, I met a girl at a restaurant I worked at a long time ago.. I got to know her pretty well because we worked side by side a lot, and um… well its a long story but we ended up seeing each other for about 3 months before she left me for one of her guy friends. And yeah I took it pretty bad, acted immaturely, ended up being blocked by her on msn, fb. etc…I developed a dependence on weed to make things seem okay… And its been almost 4 years since and not a day goes by that I don’t think of her, and miss her, and dream about becoming someone she will want someday. I don’t have any interest in any other girls…Ive had the chance but I turned it down, because I was still holding onto her….The weed is still a problem for me because when I try to quit, all the memories of her overwhelm me and I break down, and go back to it. and the jealousy of her current relationship (a different guy) really breaks my heart and its a very awful, dark feeling, knowing the relationship she has now is all based on sex. Basically my question is…I mean its been 4 years, if this is just infatuation, the feeling would have gone away by now, no? I mean…I’m crazy about this girl, the time we spent together was different… meaningful, she wasn’t my first by far, so I had an idea of what i was looking for in a relationship .. and the same for her, she told me I was everything she was looking for, and was comfortable opening up to me in so many ways.
Which is the part that still torments me to this day…
And I would never stalk her or do anything to her, it feels healthy for me to dream about holding her again someday, even if I have to wait another 4 years.