So I was walking around at night, like I always do and I had this strange itching sensation in my pants. Now a few hours earlier I had lodged a BB up my… You know… So I could mist being that it’s hot here where I live and frankly it’s like the personal febreeze. Now I like turtles and I stepped on it and I felt bad, so I put it in my pants and somehow it got stuck in the zipper. So I took my vaccum cleaner to try to get the ticks off, it went crazy and got stuck on my you know… And so the BB shot through the vaccum at high speeds and I think I hit the little old asian lady at the restaurant. Everything down there itches.
PS… I still have the turtle in my pants.
I don’t think it’s cancer. I don’t have tee tahs. I’m black.

Monkey Might Well Have Herpes
TALLAHASSEE - The elusive rhesus macaque monkey darting around the Tampa Bay area and cheered on by 60,000 Facebook fans is generating a lot of banter.  However, wildlife officials caution that this monkey is highly stressed and potentially very dangerous, and is …