(1)A guy walking downtown on an early Sunday morning had to take a crap really, really bad. With no bathrooms or business places open yet he squatted down and took a crap on the sidewalk when he spotted a police officer in the distance walking the beat. The guy quickly threw his hat over the s**t and held his hat tightly when the cop walked upon him. What’s under the hat? Asked the officer, I have the fastest thing in the world under this hat replied the guy. Well let me see it said the cop, oh no, no, no said the guy if I move my hat it’ll get away, no it won’t said the cop getting down on one knee. Tell you what, you raise your hat and ill grab it. O.k. said the guy but its fast and its going to get away! On the count of three said the cop, the police officer placed his hand beside the hat, ready! 1, 2, 3 the guy lifted his hat at the same time the officer swiped. I told you I had the fastest thing in the world exclaimed the guy it’s done s**t in your hand and ran!!!
(2)An elderly lady bought a talking parrot from a pet store but the pet shop owner neglected to tell her it used to belong to a bad a$$ motorcycle gang. On arriving back at the elderly lady’s house the parrot looked around and said, holy s**t lady nice house! This made the woman mad and she stuck the parrot in the refrigerator, before long she felt bad and took the parrot out. Moments later the parrot said, what the hell did you do that for? This time the lady was outraged and stuck the parrot in the freezer, after a few minutes the parrot’s eyes became adjusted to the dark where he spotted a frozen turkey in the corner, leaned over to the turkey and said, s**t bro what did you say!
The Nun in Hooters
(3)
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every
Once in a while ‘the lights would turn off.’
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, ‘May I please use the
Restroom? The bartender replied, ‘OK, but I should warn you that there is a
Statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.’
Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,’ said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped
Just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. !
She went to the Bartender and said, ’Sir, I don’t understand. Why did
They applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?’
Well, now they know you’re one of us,’ said the bartender, ‘Would you
Like a drink?’ No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,’ said the puzzled nun. ‘You see,’ laughed the bartender, ‘every time someone lifts the fig
Leaf on that statue, the lights goes out. Now, how about that drink?