Be warned, what I’m about to say can be pretty appalling. You don’t even have to bother reading everything to know about my situation.
I’ve been keeping quiet about it, but I can’t anymore. Our family is being driven into a corner. I don’t want to write a boring huge paragraph, so I’ll put the details in a list. Basically, my family (me, my older sister who went off to college this year, and my mom) have known this guy for about 5 years. We call him “the guy” in our language when talking about him. My sister and I absolutely despise him.
Basically this is what’s going on:
-My mom is 48, and she’s weak and ill and unable to get a job.
-”The guy” is the one who’s financially supporting our family at a high price for my mom.
-He is an ***hole who has an unhealthy obsession with my mom. Luckily he has no sexual relations with her, at least not now.
-He even had a wife. Now she’s divorced with him but is still living with him. He mooches off what she makes at her job and uses some of it to support us.
-His wife is pissed at all of us, especially my mom, and used to make angry phone calls to us. Not anymore, though.
He controls every aspect of her life:
-”The guy” has taken my mom’s phone once and written down all the contacts in it. He has isolated my mom from all her family, friends and acquaintances by either driving them away or convincing them that he’s “good” for her.
-Because of him, my mom’s health is gradually getting worse, in my opinion.
-In order to meet with him to receive money, my mom has to always accept his demands to meet at a restaurant and eat with him.
-When meeting him my mom goes alone, and I have no idea what else goes on during those times.
-He calls her at least once a day, if not more. Probably to ask where she’s been or what she’s doing at that moment.
-He always has a suspicion that she meets with another guy and whenever he loses track of her, he accuses her of meeting someone.
-My mom has to have a secret phone JUST to make phone calls to numbers that he doesn’t recognize.
-He knows her social security number, and has access to her bank and car information.
My mom and I strongly suspect that he’s slowly growing mentally insane with his obsession.
-My mom used to read the newspaper and circle phone numbers for whatever reason. When she throws them away, she told me that “the guy” actually takes a hook, goes to the garbage, and fishes out the newspaper. That way, he goes to her and asks, “Who is this person? Who were you talking to?”
-He has a copy of my mom’s car key, and one time I saw directly with my eyes when my mom and I were returning to our car from shopping. He was sitting in the driver’s seat, and was looking through all of her papers. My mom was furious, but she couldn’t do anything about it. I asked her if he’s done this before, and she replied, “Yes, many times.” I was horrified.
-In our old apartment he had a copy of our mailbox key. Once my mom opened the mailbox, saw a personal letter from a friend, and decided to pick it up later since she was busy. When she came back, it was missing. She accused “the guy” of taking it but he refused to give it back.
-Another time he actually put a tape recorder in the car at the bottom of my mom’s seat in order to hear what goes on when he’s not there. He would have picked it up the next day, if my mom hadn’t somehow discovered it before then. She took the tape recorder.
-He screws up any opportunity of my mom getting a job, for fear of her being less dependent on him.
-He has this notion in his head that my mom is his wife. He told me this morning outside the car before leaving somewhere that she is his wife. I wanted to slap him. Our father is deceased, but that’s absolutely no excuse for what he’s been saying.
-I recently found out that he peers in through our windows, because my mom told me that he saw her secret phone on a table and demanded to know about it.
-Once I was home alone and heard the screen door opening and thought it was my mom. I went up towards the door, but “the guy” opened it and stuck his head in. I yelled at him, “GET OUT” and slammed the door in his face and locked it. He called me a rude word in our language and I was pissed. Saying that after he tries to sneak in our apartment?
He’s really disgusting:
-He uses the excuse of needing to use our bathroom to get in our apartment of WOMEN ONLY. Once I’ve seen some white fluid on the toilet seat. He also sometimes claims he wants to drink water. I doubt he’s dying of thirst or anything, but if that’s what it’ll take to drive him out, then we’ll give him water.
-He gives me money every time I see him in order to win me over. It used to work when I was younger, but not anymore. I let my mom take
Also, the rest of my mom’s family doesn’t live in the United States and never gave a crap about our situation.
Sorry, didn’t know that it cut off. Here’s the rest:
-He gives me money every time I see him in order to win me over. It used to work when I was younger, but not anymore. I let my mom take it instead, because she needs that money.
-Did I not mention that he’s around 19 years older than my mom and overweight? He’s 67 years old! Just looking at his old face disgusts me. He also makes grunting noises to my mom that roughly translates to “hey”. I think he sounds like an idiot.
-He’s also patted my mom’s butt one time while he was at the door with my mom trying to drive him out. I was stunned.
I can’t think of any more things to say. So that’s basically what’s been going on throughout my adolescence. It’s getting worse now. He makes phone calls to our house later and later, even past 11 PM. He demands so much of her time. My mom’s trying to study at a university to get a degree so she could have a better chance at a job, but he disrupts her so much that she can’t study properly and is fai
failing. My sister used to support us mentally and financially with a part time job, but now she’s in college.
We tried to think of many solutions to our problem:
We considered moving out of state, but my sister gets a fee waiver for college as long as our family stays within the state. We can’t just move away and leave my sister here to pay full tuition.
We considered moving out of the country to where my mom was born, but I’m terrified at that thought. I can’t even speak my native language and the prospect of living a life and going to school there really scares me. But that way, my mom has a better chance of getting a job and support there and getting rid of him.
I wanted to file a restraining order against him, but without him, how are we gonna live?
He’s done so many illegal things and could be sent to jail, but my mom’s scared. Of what? Of him or his wife getting revenge. She’s really submissive and is obedient (but not too much) to him, and I can’t stand that.
Please, can
Please, can someone tell me what I should do? I’m 15 and can’t do anything to help her. I’m sorry, this is really long.