My name is Philip & I’m GAY! I turned 20 years like one month ago. My problem is..actually I have lot of problems, so they are I’m gay ( a closet case ), I have no friends ( No one; 0 friends ), I have no talents ( I’m not good in sports,not good in drawing, ..nothing! ) I’m not muscular like most of other boys, I feel so lonely! I’m a college student & I only have one friend in college,but she’s a girl. I’m not sure weather she’s in love with me or not,but I love her as a friend. My life is horrible ,I have no social life. I’m going to college 5 days a week & I’m working in a restaurant 2 days & Sunday I’m home alone all day! I’m sleeping most of the time or I’m on youtube!I’m all alone inside my room! I have no body to go out have fun just I’m so bored & lonely. No one likes me,even my own family members & they hurt me so much. I think they know probably I’m gay & my older sister even asked me one time that why the hell I live in this world,she told me that I can’t fight like other boys,I can’t play football or any sport,I have no friends, no social life & she told me that why don’t you just die! I don’t know whether she really meant it or not ..but I couldn’t believe it, I came home & I cried so much. It’s a usual regular thing in my life. I wish every day & every hour I die.. why the hell I’m living in this world. I really really wanted to suicide , but I couldn’t do it. One reason is I have no guts & the other reason is I love my mum. I think she cares about me but I’m not sure if she really loves me. But first I really hated her & she’s the same. But I had to leave her to live with my dad after 17 years, who’s a total bastard! But then I understood that she really loved me & cared about me. She has many hopes about me & I can’t just betray her but either I don’t want to live. My dad hates me I’m the same..if I could I will beat him up to death! I hate him that much! I’m just useless I know may be that’s why they don’t like me,who knows! I spend all the time inside my room if I’m not working or if I’m not in college. I can’t believe it! How I’m doing it, it’s so hard to live without anyone in your life especially it’s hard to believe the fact that a person in my age level has no friends! I don’t know what to do! I don’t talk that much! The reason is no one can understand me, anything I’m saying. Even my own parents. I speak two languages,but I’m still learning english. But even no one can understand me in my own language! It’s hard I have no one to talk! I’m so quiet & boring. I have heard people saying that a freak , may be that’s true.

I never had a relationship with anyone & I’m still a virgin. A 20 year old VIRGIN , I never had a boy friend or even a girl friend, I haven’t kissed anyone yet or I never had sex with anybody! I never experienced what it’s feel like be in a relationship. I really don’t want to have just a sexual relationship with anyone! I really want to love someone , a normal relationship. I want to love him more than my life. I’m not that attractive & I’m kind of skinny & I have dark olive(brown) skin tone. But I’m really honest & normally people think that I’m so dumb or I’m an idiot. I don’t even touch a penny that own to someone else. I can’t lie ..it’s really hard for me to lie. I’m so depressed & there’s no one to help me. My parents think I’m mentally ill one of the reasons for which I’m crying everyday in my life about. They may be think that GAY is a mental illness. They think I’m sick to love a another man. Which I haven’t done yet!

I want to kill myself very bad. When I see other people holding hands & kissing it makes me jealous..yes & also very very sad. When I see other boys & girls hanging out with friends I always look at them & wish I was with them having fun! But some peoples’ real lives are some peoples’ dreams! It’s just..not right! My sisters & other people question me always that if I have a girl friend or not, which makes the situation even worse. I don’t have a answer for them ,I just change the topic with a joke or something else. But if I had a boy friend I would come out to everyone , but I’m not that lucky! I can’t even fit in to gay community!
I really had a crush on one guy, he’s chinese & he’s in my media class. I shared food with him,tried to talk to him & I really loved him. I still do. But even he doesn’t want to talk to me. I think he might me gay or bi! I’m not sure! His name is Yong ,so last week I bought some snack bars for me & him, because I wanted to share it with him ..as most of the time I have done before . But before I do it I saw him eating a snack even without sharing it with me. I felt really sad, if I can tell him how m

I work for a small town restaurant. My boss always pays me on Saturdays at the end of my shift. Today he didn’t show up, and someone said he’d be in around 5, so i picked up my daughter and came back to get my money. when i walked in and asked about it he flew off the handle in front of all the clocked in employees, and my daughter. He accused me of stealing over 500 dollars over the past month or so, saying i was the only “denominating factor” that made seance, and since he knows I need money really bad right now, He’s pretty sure it was me. I stood there totally shocked for a few minutes, walked outside and put my daughter back in the car, than when i went in i basically asked him what proof he had, and to take it somewhere private. Well he didn’t have any proof, other than im the most likely suspect because im the person most in debt. I work for him 6 days a week, different shifts every day, and whenever he calls me in im there. After he got the initial accusations out, he than explained to me that he owed the IRS 25,000 dollars in back taxes, couldn’t feed his family, and was about to loose his house…He said no one at the restaurant cared about him, and it always looked like shit. I feel bad things are going terrible for him, but at that point i was pissed and basically said that didn’t have anything to do with me. I told him i didn’t need a job bad enough i was going to get accused of stealing, and basically told him in a nice way that he was a bastard and left.. Later i called him and asked for my job back since i kind of quit, and he said it was fine and we would talk tomorrow. What do you think this is really about?
X, I didn’t have anything to do with it. lol.
Anon- Hes got four cameras, any of which he could readily watch…but he rarely dose.